after a vacation

so i made it back safely, after an eighteen-hour day that involved five airports, four flights, two semi-terrifying landings, and one mid-flight turn-around to get an un-broken plane.

how refreshing it is to be home. dont get me wrong, i dearly enjoyed my time in the States with my family and friends, but several days in, i had the itch to come back.

my home base has relocated. the majority of my friends live here. my work is here. some of my blood family is here, as well as my spiritual family.

going back reminded me how i'm no longer who i was, and gave me a grip on who i am now.

i don't want to undo these changes. glory to God, i won't go back to who i once was.  and that feels so freeing.

each season brings its own memories, and along with them, particular feelings. when the cold air ambushes our sheltered campus, my Midwestern lungs gladly welcome it. i never though i'd miss the snowfall, but i find myself missing the beauty of it, the certainty of the plans i'd make with friends to enjoy it, enjoying the way it was at the same time sheltering and transporting.

i miss the snow, but this is a new season: a season of revelation. the disguise of prettiness is melting off, showing what's been hidden underneath, soggy and blotchy and unkempt but somehow... somehow God says it's rescuable.

but to be rescued, i can't sit around waiting for it to just magically happen. i've got to get up and start seeking it out. i must put in my part and desire to be rescued, even if the process of being rescued hurts.

paintball, round 2

little brothers teach you alot.

on New Years Eve, four of my older girls, eight older boys, and three of us supervisors went to play paintball again. my girls had never gone before, and they completely surprised me with their resilience; they came out with more bruises than i did!

this time, already knowing how much it'd hurt, i did better and dared myself to play harder. of course, it wasn't as well as i could have competed, and, knowing my little brother, he was on my case after each round.

"keti, you can't sit and hide in the same spot!
that's why the other team always comes for you..

they know where you're hiding and they know you won't move.
you need to keep advancing! that's the whole point.
if you don't advance, we lose."

does this not sound like our walk with Christ?

let me reword what he said.

"you can't stay in the same place for too long.
that's why the enemy always comes for you.
he knows you're hiding and that you're too scared to go any farther.

advancement- going further, deeper- is the whole point.
if there isn't progress, you lose.

and it's not just the game you lose. it's your soul."

the whole point is to continue to hit it hard.
keep advancing.
if you find yourself content to stay in the same spot, trying to hide from the enemy, not desiring to move any farther ahead or be more risky, pretty soon someone's gonna sneak up and surprise attack you.

even though i switched spots several times, despite how well i thought i was hidden, they always found me and always smoked me out.
i must keep moving and taking risks.

God continues to use paintball and little brothers to re-teach me lessons i need to learn.