a lesson on ownership and love.

"everything is Yours" 

were lyrics that not only entered my ear drum but infected my mind yesterday on the ride home from church. me & Graciela were lazily drifting off while the bus manuevered through the Sunday traffic, sharing ear buds and listening to her favorite singer, Audrey Assad.

"everything is Yours" 

three simple words that turn upside down my normal way of seeing things.

all my friendships, my dreams, my children, my work, belongs to God. and they can be taken away from me at any moment. none of it is mine; it is not truly I who has cultivated it, but God.

so do not clutch it with white knuckles desperately to your chest, but give it room to breathe and grow; let it be free. enjoy it while it's abiding in your life and understand when it's time for it to pass on to another's. because "the best way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."

our lives are full of variables; i could lose my own at any second. nothing is for certain. my girls are able to walk out the door without a kiss goodbye if they chose to. my friends aren't entitled to stick by my side; they have their own lives, their own visions. they won't always be making stories with me. the winds of change are constantly blowing, and i can't be running around putting paperweights on everything.

so don't take any of it for granted. grab ahold of all the little moments and watch them piece together into a beautiful panorama.

listen to your daughter tell you about her day, about her frustrations, about her friends and teachers and happy moments. give her too many hugs, and always share with her what you have. encourage her and tell her how pretty she is, how lovely her heart moves. because she could be gone tomorrow.

call your parents and tell them you love them. don't push them away when they show you affection. reaffirm them and spend time with them and tell them how grateful you are for them. because they won't be around to hear those words forever.

ask your friends how they're doing. dig deep, love them, correct them, be willing to do the little things with them. because next week they might decide to leave in pursuit of their dreams.

all that is earthly is temporary.

happy monday !

yesterday was full of challenges, frustrations, quality conversations, and a twinge of heartache. but it was a great lead-in to this week, and i am looking forward to what God has in store for us these next days. i feel like i'm breaking through to a new page, and although slightly nervous, i feel the progress shifting beneath my skin. i am happy for it.

my office is deserted, but the comforting words of Christ and a hot, bitter coffee are keeping me company. i couldn't be more grateful for the simple. this week, perhaps even today, i hope to write you something good and gritty, but first i must make headway on my workload, and not get lost between distractions.

so to everyone reading, a happy monday to you! may you enjoy it, even if your eyelids are closing, your body is acheing, your mind is preocuppied, or you don't know how you'll make it to tomorrow. Jesus is with you, the Spirit breathing inside of you, promising you new life, renewed strength, an everlasting love. rest in His grace.

home

i used to think home was one, solitary place.
home base.

at the age of twelve, i thought my world was crushed. my home base was moved now two hours south, everything backwards: out in the country instead of in the city, going to public school instead of private school, not really knowing a soul.
so i cried alot, and muddied through the change with clenched fists and a quiet stare. i hated the first year, hated all the changes, hated everything but mostly out of spite, with the slowly dying hope that someday i'd get to go back.

well i never went back. i finished my junior high and high school years in that country town that rapidly grew into a new home. i caught myself, one day, actually grateful for the move, grateful for all the amazing people and awesome experiences it provided me with. i couldnt have imagined growing up any other way.

in my high school years, i started to branch out a bit, taking missions trips to Mexico every summer as well as volunteering my help at a Christian camp five hours north. i began to meet even more lovely people on both ends, my roots slowly wandering down deeper into these new soils.

home wasn't one place anymore.
it was a myriad of places, smells, feelings, changes, faces.

but homes always change.

so what is home now?

home's just being close to you, even when we don't share words or are out of laughter.
home's walking up the stairs to my dormitory.
home's brushing my girls' hair.
home's being in the office, being teased by my co-workers and laughing so hard tears slip out.
home's getting real with my sister and brother in law about how hard this lifestyle is.
home's giggling with my best friend over a Skype call and pretending that there isn't 4,000 miles in between us.

it's opening myself up to this peace Jesus gives me, that walking in His will, i'm right where He wants me to be... home.