Moses

i've started, once again, to read the Bible from the beginning. because it's on an app, it's easy to sift through several chapters right before I fall asleep. last week, i hit the part where God commissions Moses to confront Pharaoh. like your common Christian, i've heard the story fourty-odd times, but this night, Moses's character really took shape to me. for starters, he was such a whiner! his doubts almost consumed him whole. "No, God, listen, even though You're speaking to me audibly and revealing Yourself through a holy fire, I don't think I can do it. I can't I can't I can't please have someone else help me." the problem here is that Moses was centralizing inward at himself and his shortcomings, instead of externalizing his gaze upwards at God's overwhelming glory and capability.

um, bro, God's capable of anything.

even overcoming your problem with public speaking.

without the help of anyone else.

"if God can create the entire universe, from the inexplicably 
intricate galaxies with colors still unseen to man,
 down to the most simple-looking yet complex of caterpillars and butterflies,
 and the near-infinity assortment of everything else inbetween,
 in six days, then 

imagine what He can do with your life!"

uhhh.. whoa.

when i read that quote this week, everything started tying together.

because, wouldn't you know, the message this past Sunday was on Moses. the final words of Rene's sermon sounded something like this: "it doesnt matter if you're American or Mexican. it doesn't matter how many Bible verses you have committed to memory. it doesn't matter how many years you've been following Jesus. it doesn't matter if you speak well in public or if your heart simply races at the thought. none of this matters! these things are important, yes, but they're not the deciding factor here. God has said, 'I am with you. I always have been, and I will continue to be. I am with you.' That's what matters."

i find myself like Moses much of the time. "Yo God.. are You sure? i really don't think i've got this holy business in me. i'm not sure i'll be of much use. if You really want to though, could You have someone tag along with me? i'm scared of going it alone." all this while, i'm just wasting valuable time, wrestling doubts and tapping the brakes on God's adventurous plan for my life. i'm losing out on souls that God wants to set free from captivity, addictions, sicknesses, emotional wreckage, abuse, etc. 

"Yo Keti, I am with you.

I always have been, and always will be."

if i just would listen the first time,

and trust completely in His power, forgetting about all my insufficiencies,

then imagine what He could do with my life.

imagine what He could do with yours.

compressed air.

i'm afraid of pain.

i realized this today on the way to play paintball. when we entered the course, i stayed far back, where i was well-covered, not risking to run forward, be aggressive, go up against the enemy. i didnt know how badly a paintball would hurt, and i got worried just thinking about having to transition into knowing the pain.

i dont like things to hurt. i dont think anyone does (except for masochists, i guess). but that's part of it all: being adventurous enough to get hurt. being willing to push forward despite shots fired at your face. that's part of the learning process, and it demonstrates courage and passion. if you're willing to get something broken in the process (be it your heart, bones, pride, or blood vessels), then i'd daresay you are in a very good place, my friend.

fear is just an illusion. i have a big red welt on my leg that slightly resembles ringworm, but i'm darn proud of it. know why? it came from me finally choosing to propel out from behind safety and expose myself to enemy fire in order to fight back. granted, i absorbed a real colorful blow in the process, but the point is, take that first step of courage. and let that first step lead to another. soon it'll turn into a well-beaten path.