a letter to you six months ago.

this is something i wrote to a friend six months ago, as well as a reflection on how
i've healed and grown from a destructive season in my life.

i want you to know that i know how it feels.

i know that everyday it rips your guts out with nearly every breath.
it         t
              w
             i
                 s
              t
          s  your intestines thin when you re-remember that it happened

{everything that happened}.

i know that your days are wracked with tight emptiness, and everything feels sharp; everything bears some mark of their name, like a harpoon to your >lungs.

i get it.

sometimes the pain still ricochets through my chest, shocking my nerves, rattling my skull. it comes less frequently now, the pain, but it's still there, halfway buried, halfway excavated.

the key here is time + discipline. you musn't soley rely on time, because if you make no effort on your part, time is only going to amplify the ache. you must be disciplined, and shift your thoughts {the thousands of memories} to ones more edifying, constantly refreshing your perspective.
you are  s e p a r a t e  now, no longer bound by the present. it is a disservice to let your past tie you to a stake in the ground.
you musn't seek a replacement either, because it's only going to unravel you further, creating even more abrasions when it inevitably comes to an end.

wait until I give it to you.

do you believe what you've heard?

what would your life look like if you actually believed the truth?

if you actually had confidence in who you are? and not a false, self-righteous humility, nor an incredibly inflated ego.... i'm talking genuine confidence and true comfortability in the skin that encapsulates your soul.

what if you believed you were created particularly the way you are for innumerable reasons? that every little detail, line, pore, blood cell, personality quirk, was thought out beforehand? that there's no reason to be ashamed of any of it? that even in your weakness (and especially in your weakness), you were made to glorify God's power, to reflect His light?

and what if it wasn't just head knowledge, that it didn't come from reading this blog, nor seeing pinterest quotes, nor hearing a sermon, but actually feeling the truth resonate into the depth of your bones? that you knew, without a fraction of a doubt, that Jesus loves your more that you can imagine? that He is enchanted by you, wild for you?

how would you live? ...might you change a few things?

let it seep into your bloodstream, into your framework, into the well of your soul. it's true. this God, He's crazy about you. it's not about what you've got to offer Him; it's not any of your prayers nor "good deeds" nor kind words; it's nothing you can earn. it's because you're His child. He's bought you, adopted you, chosen you. He's branded "MINE" across your heart. you're His. since you didn't earn it, it can't be taken away. He gives it freely. you're His son, His daughter; not a statistic, not a number. He calls you by your name.

He loves you.

and it's not love like you've known.
it's a love that sacrifices, that corrects, that always has your best in mind.
He guides you and teaches you because He knows you and knows what's upcoming. He doesn't force Himself upon you, but patiently waits for you, waits for you to see His love, accept His love, trust and rest in His love.

so trust in it. exhale and rest in it.
nothing will be the same after you let yourself be changed
by His love.