“My timing is perfect.”
God keeps repeating that to me, and each time I hear it, i
begin to believe it on a deeper level.
the first day of December, a new family of four moved into
our room: Lupita, 4; Lili, 3; Javier, 2; and Mateo, 1. with their arrival, two
other house moms moved into our dorm as well, taking on the responsibility of
being the main caretakers for this family unit as well as for Patricio.
i admit, it was a bit of a drastic change. the dorm dynamic shifted
dramatically and if I’m honest, rattled me a bit. i was still a house mom, only
with less responsibilities and authority. although it took a little while to
get accustomed to, I’ve been trying to
be intentional with the small slots of time I do spend with these five little
ones.
and there’s a certain little one in particular that’s been
teaching me a lot as of late.
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Lupita. the oldest. a little light that radiates everything
you’d imagine a four year old girl would- she lives in a world of princesses
and princes, would exchange leggings and a flowery blouse for a long poofy dress
any day, often puts on pretend makeup, and likes playing mother to the four
younger children.
when I spend time with Lupita, i find myself telling her many
of the things i wrote in a previous post (letters to my future daughters). and
you know what’s the best? hearing the words i speak to her repeated back upon my
ears. example: one morning, my friend Liz took her and Patricio to the bathroom to wash
their face, and as they entered, Patricio playfully pushed Lupita in the chest.
the next words out of Lupita’s mouth surprised both me & Liz: “Patricio,
this is my body. it’s a gift that God gave me. don’t touch it. you have a body
too, that Papa God gave you! you have to take care of it.” i’m not kidding when
i tell you i had to blink back hot tears upon hearing her words.
the way that children believe and behave never fails to amaze
me. it’s so much more pure and without pretenses. there are times when I find
myself in Lupita’s position but I don’t open my mouth to defend myself because I
don’t want to offend the other person. but Lupita spoke without accusing; she
was convinced of her words, but without bringing shame, gently correcting. this
small moment in the bathroom is such a strong reminder that we are children of
the King, and not only that, we need to show others that they are called to be
children of the King as well.
little Lupita is such an amazing, giggly, helpful, willing, friendly,
intelligent little princess. her dark brown eyes are opening and she is starting
to believe these truths more and more each day, but there are other days when
she finds herself stuck and struggling in the suction-cup quicksand of her past.
there are moments when she says “i am ugly” or “Papa God isn’t really my dad”
or “you don’t love me”, and we are working on that. not necessarily by
convincing her of our beliefs, but of showing her the Truth.
it makes me think, how it must crush Papa God when we
express that what He’s created so carefully with His hands is ugly. when don’t
obey His commands or submit to His voice and essentially show Him He isn’t
really our Father. when we kick and scream and say “You must not love me,
because if you did I wouldn’t be struggling with this!!!”
why is it so hard to believe that we’re beautiful? that we
have royal callings? that what we do is important? that God loves us deeper
than we can imagine? i think it’s because as we grow up, we start to compare,
we start to let our doubts take over, we start to question our identity. we
start to see the world through dirty lenses. and it’s okay if we struggle
through these things, but the point is not letting them take up permanent
residence within us. the point is that, sooner than later, we remember and are reminded
of the real Truth. the changes that we suddenly find thrust upon us, despite being difficult to deal with, will be for our growth and our good, and we must rest in the fact that, although we struggle, God is in
control, and His timing is perfect.
