disclaimer: this "exhalation" found its way out of me one evening in the wee morning hours - the first sentence kept echoing in my brain and i knew i needed to let it out and write the sentences that followed. it is in no way a bashing or criticism of my last season, but rather a "now i understand" piece that i hope offers hope to those finding themselves in a similar situation, wherever that may be.
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i never thought i could leave EV. i couldn’t see myself doing anything else, precisely because i didn’t know anything else. while there i thought i had reached the summit of service but i have to be honest, i couldn’t stomach the thought of “this is all there is.”
even when alexis and i informed my bosses of our new plans and my last day, i couldn’t believe i was doing it. i certainly couldn’t envision what was up ahead and couldn’t imagine that i’d find an equally close-knit community elsewhere.
i look back and know that the Holy Spirit collected all my tears of not understanding, of leaving behind, of starting over from Zero once again. truth is, i’d become comfortable. i didn’t want to have to transition again, make new friends, start from scratch, learn new worship songs, and be PUSHED into action. office work from 9 to 5 was easy enough and not much was demanded from me spiritually.
i can now testify - there is life, and life in abundance, in this new season. i didn’t want to put the period at the end of my last chapter because i was familiar with it: i knew how that story would continue. but God knew it was time for final punctuation and a new capital letter on an untouched page of white. “Jump, my love,” He whispered. “Cross the page, and let Me write again. I am the best Author, after all.”
to say i leapt is exaggerating - truthfully i feel as though i crept and then tumbled down into the crevice where the two sheets of paper meet. i got stuck there for awhile, pressed between two seasons, the valley that one often trips into when leaving one thing behind to embrace another. it was difficult to gather the strength to climb out between the two pages, but little by little i have been able to pick up speed all thanks to the Holy Spirit never leaving me and always reminding me of what is waiting on the next page, and all the pages we have left to write, the stories He wants to share using my ink.
so i’m climbing out friends - and honestly it’s been more of a clamber than a climb; i’m clumsy and a bit rusted in things that should have been more well-oiled, but i am making it out and upward. after five plus months we have found true friends, valuable spiritual guidance from our pastors, a mentor who’s always checking up on us, solid spiritual leadership training classes, and much more blessings than we could have expected. has it been hard? yes. have we had to sacrifice our comfort often? yes. but in sacrificing comfort and our agenda we’ve found where we’re supposed to be: in God’s will. and in this place i feel so much more free to be the wild woman i was created to be.
so my advice to you is this: don’t stay in one place just because you don’t know where else you’d go— that’s how people become trapped. let the Father direct your seasons in His timing and prepare yourself to move with the currents of His wind when it blows you in a new direction. fear of the unknown is never a good reason to stay where you are and consequently stop growing. God’s plans have been mapped out since before you were spoken into existence; lean into and obey that same Voice every time it speaks and you will always be where He wants you to be: aligned with His will.
