compressed air.

i'm afraid of pain.

i realized this today on the way to play paintball. when we entered the course, i stayed far back, where i was well-covered, not risking to run forward, be aggressive, go up against the enemy. i didnt know how badly a paintball would hurt, and i got worried just thinking about having to transition into knowing the pain.

i dont like things to hurt. i dont think anyone does (except for masochists, i guess). but that's part of it all: being adventurous enough to get hurt. being willing to push forward despite shots fired at your face. that's part of the learning process, and it demonstrates courage and passion. if you're willing to get something broken in the process (be it your heart, bones, pride, or blood vessels), then i'd daresay you are in a very good place, my friend.

fear is just an illusion. i have a big red welt on my leg that slightly resembles ringworm, but i'm darn proud of it. know why? it came from me finally choosing to propel out from behind safety and expose myself to enemy fire in order to fight back. granted, i absorbed a real colorful blow in the process, but the point is, take that first step of courage. and let that first step lead to another. soon it'll turn into a well-beaten path.