whispers of south sudan

never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined that one day i would travel overseas to see South Sudan. but last April, that’s just what i did. a year before, in 2014, God had begun whispering into my heart through all sorts of mediums: news, magazines, the ministry, even my dreams. but even three, four months before we left Mexican ground, i still wasn’t sure it was going to happen. our lives could be at risk due to the constant, and increasing, civil/tribal warring. yet as the date came closer, God was opening our vision little by little, showing us that indeed He was leading us straight on to South Sudan.

i was not prepared for that trip. sure, my suitcases were ready, but i kept having reccuring dreams that i was at the airport ready to board when i realized i had forgotten something, and could no longer go. our team of four mission-minded souls began to get together and pray several mornings of the weeks leading up to our departure.

so finally, after nine months of uncertainty over whether i could go due to changing dates or changing safety status, i was embarking on a trip to a country that God had started whispering into my heart a year previous. i could hardly believe it. the four of us quietly left Mexico City at 10:00 am, to arrive in the beautiful, warring African country of South Sudan 45 hours later. 

the flights were long and difficult (at times), but i won’t forget my happiness when we finally stepped out onto the African earth. we’d waited so long for this. we’d spent so much for this. we’d prayed for this. leaving the airplane behind me, the African wind swept over me, welcoming me to another world, embracing my heart and desire and expectancy for all that this trip would hold.

our days there were slow and sweet and rich. we spent time with both the children and the missionary staff, learning a little bit about their stories and what made their hearts beat. it was so different than from when I first visited to Mexico. in South Sudan, almost everyone speaks Arabic, and I was completely lost between all the diverse dialects. luckily, English is becoming more prevalent and we were able to converse with many of the children and staff. 

each child at the two orphanages we visited had only three outfits, the majority of them already ripped and coming apart at the seams. but despite their lack of material things and all the tragedies they had lived through, these children at the orphanage had so much joy. they were so inexplicably happy and so many were eager to learn new things, excited to meet and play with new visitors and share with them and learn from them. they were so different from the outside children in the villages, and the obvious reason was God.

Sunday, one of the most quiet yet beautiful girls

one of the coolest parts of being there was that we had multiple opportunities to share devotionals and testimonies with the children, and we really tried to take advantage of those times. although sometimes stretching with the language and culture barrier, God spoke to us and gave us specific stories and words to share with them each day. i was amazed at how He used us during those times to bring words of hope to these kids living in such a broken country. 

there was one day when i had no idea what to share with them. right before we began walking down the dirt road to the school, God put song lyrics on my mind “Your love casts out all fear”, and just like that,  a devotional began to download in my mind that spoke against being afraid and truly trusting in Him for the victory. the girl with whom i was going to give the devotional told me that God was telling her to share about not being afraid as well. it was something so simple but yet so awesome that God spoke to us about the same topic but in different ways, and as we shared with the kids, i knew God was at work in their hearts.

we spent only one Sunday at the orphanage, and i was amazed that their worship team was made up of pure children. several were playing drums, others dancing and singing. it was so simplistic, stripped raw of electric guitar and complex drumsets, but yet so vibrant and so joyful. God sometimes uses those we don’t see as very capable; He uses them because He sees a willing heart and a readiness to be instruments for Him.

i was impacted by so many things during that trip, and i wish i could share them here. but i think the most important thing that happened to me from the trip to South Sudan was what happened to me when i returned. i actually thought that nothing had happened, that South Sudan hadn’t changed me at all and my life was just gonna be the same. but I quickly realized something. indeed, South Sudan hadn’t changed me. God changed me while i was in South Sudan. i was different. i had more confidence in myself and was beginning to trust God more and pray to Him more. 

i just had this overall sense of being awakened.

it’s like i was underwater before, and all of a sudden someone started pushing me toward the surface. 

in a matter of no time my neck was above the waterline, choking on oxygen I’d never before tasted. my eyes are slowly opening, 

changing aperture and trying to focus on the blurry moving landscape surrounding me.

i thank God for such an incredible opportunity to see life through a sharper lens, putting into perspective the way i live and love for Him. if there’s one thing i’ve learned, its this: it’s not so much travelling to faraway place so that place and experience can change you, but moreso having a heart that is willing to open and be vulnerable so that God is able to come in and awaken you to the life He’s calling you to live.