12.3.13

quietly I have found myself accustomed to this way of life- always the element of surprise, the quick changes, sinking in confusion but being accepted anyway, ideas coming out of nowhere that have lovely branches. I find that I myself am much the same: quiet, loony, fearful, but goshdang I have this unrelenting desire to sing, sing aloud, sing until my heart ruptures out. I never feel homesick when I am surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ- this is where my home resides. life is slowly making hints of sense, and God is forever just out of my grasp. there is always something new to learn. Esthela left today (family problems) and a part of me wishes I had encouraged her more to stay- but who knows what was in her heart, and what God’s plans for her are. we have to pray and trust her to His hands. days here are slipping by faster and faster, despite the incredible longevity of each day, and the fastness is less alarming to me here, for reasons unknown. separation from the American rat race has never felt so fantastic. it is here I have discovered purpose backing my minutes.

for anyone who isn’t interested in reading my thoughts and would rather know straight up facts, haha, here are some: the food is always spicy to some extent. I usually love what we eat, but one morning we had green soup for breakfast that closely resembled algae, and I had about seven spoonfuls before lying about how full I was ;). I think my Spanish is improving but it’s hard to tell how much, and there are some days (like today) that I just can’t understand or speak worth a crap, and I just want to yell !! one lady from the group from the States last week told me that I was a dreamer (meaning I dream a lot/vividly and God uses this to speak to me), which I am beginning to believe because my dreams are always strange, long, and vivid, and Jahir actually helped me interpret one the other day that made a lot of sense + resonated with me. I cried for the first time this past Sunday, cus we were 15 minutes late for our curfew (which doesn’t seem like a lot, but might as well translate into DEATH PENALTY- punishments around here are pretty severe), and I had a mountain of homework I still had to do, and was just stressed and frustrated. The girls here are so sugar sweet and encouraged me and stroked my hair haha, and it wound up that half our homework was erased, and Josh forgave us for being late. Glory to God, because I was not looking forward to 100 crunches and 50 push-ups.

If anyone is feeling tired or down or unmotivated or stagnant in their faith, I dare you to do something about it. Put on a song that inspires you, that makes you look at the world through rose lenses, and go for a drive on a back country road. Find quotes that resonate all the way down to your toes, and write them on your walls or your cupboard or your mirrors or on a piece of paper and plaster them on places you always look at. Get out of you house and discover someplace special, secluded, that allows you to catch your breath and believe again. Fall in love with the people around you and encourage them in creative ways. I dare you to come back to life, and enter into it full, with the One who knows every last shred of information about you and loves you the same. Remember that you were created specifically for a purpose, with opportunities that no one else has, that you ought to take advantage of while you have them within your grasp. In the words of my favorite band, step outside your box. Break fiercely out of your bubble of comfort, and learn to breathe the air that fills your lungs with the best kind of terror.