22.4.13

Today has been draining, on all sides. This morning we had an extreme physical challenge, which involving pure biking. I thought, ‘hey, no big deal, I love to bike, I’m a boss at it.’ Remember how I’ve mostly only biked on legit paved roads? Yeah, me too, after I spent three hours biking in practical sand, filled with frequent rocks, garbage, and constant ups and downs. Yeep. When we finished, I was teetering on the edge of not being able to pedal a circle farther. But it ended with two cups of delicious ice cream from a roadside stand, which of course made all the difference in the world ;).

At 5, we had our weekly hour-evangelism-outing, in which we left for the nearby university. We had trouble getting in, but then we did, and the guards inside seemed like they were threatening to kick us out (even though they didn’t wind up doing anything) so me + Andi left to find people outside at the bus stop. After approaching two different groups of people, it was apparent our methods were completely awful, as Andi was running after them, starting conversation with “are you leaving to go to your house?” We shared a laugh after this because it was clear we looked like crazy people. Whoops. Change of plans, we sat on the curb, praying for God to bring someone to us, and then praying for the guard at the front gate we’d talked to earlier. After awhile, I went up to him and shared a word I had felt I’d received for him, and the three of us continued to talk about the university and what we were studying and normal things. Then the hour ended and we returned back to EV, and I found out I have to translate my five-page paper into Spanish (which I originally wrote in English, because it was on my call in life, and when it’s something of gravity, better to express myself in my first language).

Right now, I am feeling emotionally drained. I feel like I am not completing my responsibilities to the best of my ability, and am getting caught up in the things I need to do and forgetting to include God in them. I just feel like a failure tonight, like I can’t do much right. Then I read a verse in Acts that says “..if this is merely human, it will fall apart; but if it is of God, there is nothing you can do about it- and you better not be found fighting against God!” basically realizing that on my own, I am nothing and can do nothing, but if I have God behind me, if He is propelling me, that is another thing entirely.