late night thoughts

i am young, dumb, afraid, often confused, and mostly willing. twenty years into the ocean of life, and forever questioning the concept of age. i believe that magic is not defined by pulling a rabbit out of a hat- magic is not a trick or falsehood, but rather a nonfrequent, beautiful occurrence, like when you’re at a market and whispers of hay are falling down from someone’s trailer, caught in rays of sunlight, and you refuse to blink lest this moment pass you by.

I believe in the power of music, the feelings it evicts, the impulses it provokes, the sacredness of what’s been created by others.

I absolutely without a shred of a doubt know that life makes most sense when written and spoken with words. words. I am addicted to words, the way they wind around together to encapsulate a feeling, a moment, an idea, in the most descriptive of ways. the way that words make you think, make you cry, make you laugh, simply by rearranging a few letters, a few punctuation marks. it’s so personal.

I believe in a God that is all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing, Who heals miraculously and restores wholly His people. I believe in a God that whole-heartedly pursues those He has created, to bring to them life and more life, not just on this earth but beyond. my faith rests in the Son He sent to rescue me, to rescue you, the Son who allowed the Spirit of God to saturate and permeate His entire being, who died completely to His desires to devote Himself to the desires of His Father, and through this, conquered the grave and brought intimate communion with God to everyone who asks for it, everyone who seeks it. I believe in the Spirit and how it directs us, guides us, teaches us. nothing that God brings me is bad- if it hurts, it is because I sought my own way and did not trust God, but still it is for my benefit, for my growth.

i want to be someone who inspires. someone who acts on the impulse of the Spirit, not allowing time for her knees to shake but instead diving immediately in. someone who is always willing to share her things, willing to sacrifice what she has for others to gain more. I want to be someone constantly full of joy and encouragement, giggling and encouraging the spontaneity in others- someone others feel comfortable around to be their true selves. I want to be mature and godly in my advice, not saying what people want to hear but rather what people need to hear, what God wants them to hear. I want people to encounter the glory of God through my life- His love, mercy, forgiveness.

i want to use all the capacity He has given me.