“so Spirit blow
on
through
we’re ready for You”
these lyrics keep pedaling through my head, waves that wash against the shore of my brain.
all i know for sure is that i just need more of His Presence. i need to surrender more and more of my flesh and let the Spirit take more and more control. i feel like the majority of my “Christian” life i’ve really missed the boat. there’s a struggle so real in my chest, in my stomach, over my skin, that’s between my fleshly desires
[EAT. BUY. CONSUME. SEE. BE LAZY. SLEEP.]
and the desires of the Spirit restlessly rippling underneath.
[FAST. PRODUCE. RAISE MY VOICE. DANCE. SET FREE.]
i want to obey the Spirit and live against the current but it’s HARD. it’s hard because i’ve become accustomed to living in- and succumbing to- my flesh. my flesh wants to conform with what is comfortable.
but i want more. i know- i am convinced- that God designed me for more than this. do you feel that too?
He wants me to be doing, well, i would say “more than i’m doing now”, but i think that in this present moment, He wants me to be obedient to what He’s already asked me to do.
i’m reading this book by Marco Brunet that talks about intimacy with God and in one of the last chapters, it touches on the fact that perhaps God is tired of revealing His glory to those who break so easily when His glory fills them. people who lack character, those who aren’t in it for the long run, or people who are only are sustained by Him when everything’s going ideally... because when they’re brought into the desert, the pressure gets to them and they crack and break and fall apart. and this chapter closes with how we so desperately need our own personal process of the desert, that breaking of ourselves, so that what God has placed inside of us can take root and explode out, so we are capable of capturing His glory.
as i read that// the words sunk straight into my heart like a stone in still water. GOD HOW I NEED YOU, HOW I WANT TO BE BROKEN my spirit heaves. my flesh cunningly talks back you dont know what you’re asking for, it’s gonna be really painful, don’t go crazy keti stay comfortable, stay in what you’ve always known.
but i can’t.
in 2013 i took a missions trip to a rural state in Mexico, and there the Holy Spirit whispered to me this is it- there’s no going back now.
i can’t go back.
i can’t pretend like i haven’t witnessed His astounding glory and grace this year -- each and every one of my twenty-three years.
i am responsible for what i have seen.
i am responsible for what i have heard.
i am responsible for what i have experienced.
and so are you.
be it just a sliver that which we have seen, heard, and experienced, i know that in courageous faithful obedience there is much power.
and i’m not gonna shut up about it.
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