confessions

i haven’t been very creative lately.

my camera’s been collecting dust. my writing notebooks have remained safely tucked away, white pages yellowing with my silence.

why has this season been so different from all my others? normally i need somewhere to exhale all my feelings but i’ve just kept them swirling behind my eyes, circling through my mind.

as i self-reflect, i suspect i’ve let my voice get lost in the vacuum of consumerism. a part of me has temporarily bought into the lie that the more lovely “things” i have, the happier i’ll be (and i call myself a missionary!)... but really i’m just selling myself to vaporous vanity. the balance between “see” and “do” has been dangerously shifted and i feel like my sense is sliding off the scale.

i write this to confess and get these thoughts off my chest. believe me when i tell you that i feel a little rotten having shelved talents that i know God has given me. the Holy Spirit has brought to mind several times the parable of the talents, gently reminding me to not bury and leave static what’s been placed in my hands but rather work it and continually invest it for the Kingdom. after all, i’m not here on this Earth for me… i’m here for Him.

so it comes down to balance. i guess i’ve struggled to encounter balance, to open windows of time that feed and encourage my creativity.

sorry, i wish this was an upbeat post written on an epiphany i’ve had lately, but.. just #KeepinItReal

i’m not at the bottom of the ravine but my i can’t say my feet are on level ground either. i’m in a creative and motivational rut, guys, and i can’t say i’ve tried hard to climb out. here’s to hoping writing this post is a step closer to the surface.