endings

...they have never been my favorite.
today it all came to an end- the eighteen weeks of community, of growing from strangers all the way into family; we graduated and went our separate ways. The stretch of time that has past has been incredibly impactful, and I literally have no idea how all of a sudden I’m at the end. And I think it’d be easy to be all like “oh it never really happened” to avoid crying and missing the heck out of this family, but the truth is, I’m coming out of this changed. Feeling a bit lost, but changed. Lost in terms of, I’m without this specific family. The thing is, a lot of the time, I place a huge emphasis on where I am and who I’m with at the present moment (like, the interim I’m in), and once I leave that interim, I’m shot to pieces. I place a lot of importance on those who surround me as family.

Right now, I’m laying on my bed in the now-vacated room of what used to be our little house. I just want to rest and cry and rewind, honestly. It’s the weirdest feeling to be done, and have all the spectacular memories in the past, where they can’t be reached. To be honest, I’m a bit scared of going back to the States- of falling into routine, of falling into old habits, of falling into a sea of confusion. Really what God is drilling into my head right now is Hey love, I’m all you have, and I am more than enough. I am passing through this door, and voyaging into the next expedition. The last five months of my life were my favorite, I think. But I know that God wants to do even more. And for that, I am expectant.