the jump.

Who knows why, but I climbed up to the top of the precipice, looming three meters above the water. For me, it’s a long way down- I have irrational fear of hurling myself, freefall, into water. I’m okay with rollercoasters, cus you’re strapped in and secure, but with water, anything can happen. It was the second time we had gone to the river to bathe, and I followed Alisha and the boys to the second part, higher up, with the jump off part.

There are six others up on top with me, and for a couple minutes, I stand at the edge, thinking, trying to work up the guts. They don’t come, and so our leader, Rene, propels himself off, and then waits for the rest us at the bottom. Next, Lalo asks me “if I jump, will you jump?” I say yes. He jumps. I still wait. Lorenzo shoots himself off next, all of a sudden, and then Paulo. Brayan’s the last one up there with me, and asks me the same question as Lalo. I tell him yes, and he says “you’re sure?” and I’m like “yes!!” So he leaps off, and then I’m up there all alone. I bring myself to the edge, hesitantly. By this time, it’s been about fifteen minutes, the whole rigmarole of “no, you go first! Let me think for a little bit more”, battling back and forth in my mind whether I was capable, unable to squish my doubts of whether my shirt would come up again (happened the day before, and luckily no one saw-eep!) or whether I’d smash into a rock or if I couldn’t shoot myself far enough off.

Finally Rene’s like “Just come down if you’re not gonna jump! You’re gonna hurt yourself if you’re unsure.” And I’m all like ‘dangit, no I can’t be chicken, I’ve got to do this, come on keti’. And so three times I plug my nose, bend my knees… and then straighten up and yell “WAHHH OH MY GOD I CAN’T DO THIS!” and I don’t know how it happened, but the fourth time, maybe I was gutsy enough to start pushing myself over the edge, and tried to catch myself but couldn’t, so just heaved myself off, but there I was in the air! And the air part is what I hate the most, because literally there is zero control. It’s like the breath is crushed out of you, and your legs are all soft and shaky, and you just feel sick! But then in one second I was under water, then coming up, smiling and saying “I DID IT YEAHH!”

i think this is sometimes what our faith looks like. like oh goodness if I share this prophetic word with her, she’s going to think im bat crap crazy or God are You forreals sure about this cus maybe You’re wrong or what if I look like a fool and honestly the list of our doubts is endless. God’s workings are of the Spirit, and ours are of the flesh, so they’re always going to be in discord! our flesh is always going to go against what the Holy Spirit tells us. but the truth of the matter is, we need to take leaps of faith- we need to put our faith into action. it is then when our faith will finally be exercised, be tested, and grow stronger. God doesn’t call us to stand on the edge- He calls us to plunge in and take part in what He’s doing. this is the adventure, folks! and don’t get me wrong, it’s crazy scary at times, and sometimes we don’t think we’re capable, but if we shoot ourselves off the brink, God is going to follow through and see us to victory.